i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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