I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
