In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
