judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
