i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
