sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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