So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
