Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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