Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As shirtless as possible
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
