we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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