This is not my ceiling
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
