your thong is hanging out like whoa
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
