its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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