my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
