She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
