just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
