I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
