i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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