If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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