end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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