TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are my feet made of real feet?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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