When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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