i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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