I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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