forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
