you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
