Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
