apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
