there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
