took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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