i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
