I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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