I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
