it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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