You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
