you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
