I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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