If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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