New invention idea: vibrating tampons
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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