It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
