I bet he comes in French.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
