They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
