Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
