I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
