I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dick very happy bro
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
