worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
