It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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