Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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