The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
