And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
