My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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