make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
