i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
