where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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